Your Record Collection - How Cool Were You!?

While a contentious split can create the loss of many beloved objects and possessions – and this was certainly the case as my ex refused to give me any of the kid’s pictures – I was pleasantly surprised when, fairly early in the apoplectic, apportionistic, redistribution process, I asked for some of the vinyl records, and she said “take them all!” (I made up “apportionistic”. There is just such ownership given to contentious re-distribution, I needed something new.)

It is true that neither of us had a turntable – but there are many memories tied up in music, and I thought it would be nice to be able to drag them out some day.

That day came this last weekend. I found a turntable that will play thru your computer. So now I can put all my vinyl recordings in my i-tunes – to be forever available with the 1,000 other songs already on my i-pod. I was quite excited as I started going through albums I had not perused in 20+ years. Here are a few initial thoughts that went through my head as I started looking through my stack of black, vinyl gold!!

• “Where did this soundtrack from “Tron” come from?”
• “What was I thinking when I bought Xanadu? Wait. I know what I was thinking. And it wasn’t about music.”
• “I wonder if Phillip Bailey can still hit those high notes?”
• “When was it I thought Bob James was cool?”
• “Cruisaders! Now that IS cool!!”

And so it went. Time to start spinning some of these babies!! As I revved up the turntable and let the disks fly, the following were some more thoughts as I continued down this sentimental journey:

• “This Kansas album isn’t quite the Rock Opera Masterpiece I used to think it was.”
• “That French Kiss album cover is still sexy! At least, the woman is sexy; Bob is ugly with a capital UG! It’s good to be a rock star!!”
• “All right, what's wrong with this picture? The coolest album in here I inherited from my parents!! Ray Charles and June Carter!!”
• “If I inherited that one, where are Herb Alpert and his Tijuana Brass?”
• “I know every word to Styx Cornerstone! (How embarrassing)”

One of the more conflicted moments came when I realized I really missed hearing some of these songs with the scratches and skips, the way I originally learned them, (B-B-B Benny and the jetsB-B-B Benny and the jetsB-B-B Benny and the jets…….) and that digitally recording them will preserve those scratches and skips “electronically, forever!”

There were a few gems in the collection – all 9 of Beethoven’s symphonies by the Cleveland Symphony Orchestra when their Brass and Wind sections were the best in the world – and in pristine condition – but mostly, I realized something that was hard to admit to myself – a lot of the music I loved so much kind of sucks.

Well, I’ll just pick through the lot and keep the stuff that I still like - or is nostalgic. Traveling Willburies, Double Fantasy (every other track/sans Yoko), Monty Python, Strause, ELO (yeah!), Soundtrack to Big Chill…. And I’ll take a positive spin on my music taste…..

It’s not that my music tastes used to be questionable. It’s actually that my music tastes have improved!

Oooh look!! Kiss!!!

Simplicitous Behavior

On Saturday, as I made my list for the day, I made a deal with myself in the spirit of simplifying life and helping the ecology and my own pocket book - I would neither drive my car nor spend any money the whole day (except for buying the contact lens solution, of which I had completely run out).

I had a lot of chores to do, so how hard could it be? Lots of laundry, cleaning, the lawn, bathrooms… return some videos, pick up contact solution, drop some dry cleaning.

As I rode around on my bike with my dry cleaning and shoulder bag, I realized there were really just two kinds of bike riders out and about: decked out exercisers on $1,000 street bikes, dressed in sleek bicyclist outfits with biking shoes and biking gloves; and kids playing on their bikes in their neighborhood. I saw 50-60 of the former; and 3 of the latter. What I saw absolutely none of, other than myself, were people on their bikes as a means of getting somewhere. (On a disturbing side-note: the bike-a-sizers all wear those tight biker shorts and shirts no matter what shape they are in. This is primarily the generation that once said, "hey man - let it all hang out”. Now they really are! You have to be Lance Armstrong to look good in those things. But hey, be proud – your’e on a bike!! Pedal harder!)

When I got done with the errands, I wasn’t done riding my bike. I wanted to ride more! So I rode to the gym – where I lifted weights, but didn’t bother with the cardio because I figured I was already getting it. Then I meandered my way home and did some sightseeing.

After finishing up the laundry and cleaning one bathroom, I saw there was only about a half hour of light left, so I decided to ride again! I got about a half mile down the road and figured I was going to lose the daylight, but hey?! Who cares? As the sun slipped over the horizon I braked to a stop – and hey! I was right in front of a pub!! Heck – I done good. Time for a beer.

I was half way through the beer when I realized I had just spent $3 for a beer!! I hadn’t touched the lawn, and the house was only half cleaned. Crap! I had NOT done so good after all. So did I finish up and get home to the chores? Well – no. Reality? I had the weekend to myself. So…. I had another beer.

Then I rode home in the dark - and I couldn't help thinking it was just dark enough that it would be the perfect time for me to have been wearing some cool, skin-tight biking attire!

The Best Fit for Me

It’s time for my annual mid-season observations of my home town football team, the Detroit Lions. The observations don’t actually differ year to year; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

This morning I read that the Lions are planning to sign Daunte Cullpepper.

"As a result of doing some research on different places to play, the Detroit Lions seemed to be the best fit for me," Culpepper told The Associated Press in an e-mail. "I am encouraged by the commitment of ownership, the vision of management and the great potential of the talent that is on the team."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Kiss Ass!!

I must confess that I am skeptical – Daunte’s research on different places to play seems somewhat... how shall I say, "questionable?". It is tempting to try to read between the lines here, inferring any or all of the following thoughts:

• I’m such a loser that loser-ville seems like the best fit for me.
• Since no-one from the CFL has offered me a job, the Lions look like the best fit for me.
• Since I currently do not have any job, any job looks like the best fit for me.

But on second (fifth) thought, maybe it IS the perfect job opportunity. I am reminded of when I was young and in my prime, and I was offered my first General Manager job at Marriott.

Boss: We have a couple openings, so you can choose which one you want.
Me: Really? Where?
Boss: Louisville and Toledo
Me: Hasn’t Louisville been the best performing hotel for the past 5 years?
Boss: Yep. A real jewel. Award winner on every level. And the most profitable too!
Me: And Toledo?
Boss: A real dog. No one wants to be there. It is losing money and in receivership so it has a horrible reputation. No matter what anyone tries it seems to fail.
Me: Toledo here I come!!

So it is easy to see what must have happened with Daunte:

Daunte: Hey Mr. Agent, I’ve got my handicap down to a 4. Anyone out there in need of a quarterback?
Mr. Agent: Well Brady is down. The Patriots can’t seem to win without him.
Daunte: You mean the New England Patriots? The best team in the NFL the last five years? The NFL franchise that wins awards on every level? And is the most profitable, too?
Mr. Agent: That’s the one.
Daunte: Shit! I don’t think so!! Only one direction to go – and it ain’t up! What about Detroit?
Mr. Agent: A real dog. No one wants to be there. It is losing money and in receivership so it has a horrible reputation. No matter what anyone tries it seems to fail.
Daunte: Lions here I come!!

One win and Daunte’s a hero!

It also reminds me of an old Abbott and Costello bit. I’m paraphrasing, so apologies to the original:

Costello: If I get married I want to marry a homely, unattractive girl.
Abbott: Why is that?
Costello: Because if you have a wife, she might run away on you.
Abbott: Isn’t a homely, unattractive girl just as likely to run away on you?
Costello: Yeah; but who cares?

If I sound a bit jaded, I apologize. But really, the Lions are 0-8. And by mid-season, every stinkin’ year, we must face reality. We suck - affectionately for sure - but suck, just the same.

So here it is – time for this year’s battle cry – mid-way through the football season we are faced with our sporting reality, and with all due respect and sincere wishes of good luck to Daunte –

GO PISTONS!!