Where Misery Loves Company

I was raised in Detroit, and I now see it was inevitable that I wind up in Phoenix. What do these two American cities have in common to draw me inexorably from one to the other? The snow? The sunshine? The glacial moraine? No, no. The football!!

Having grown up in Detroit rooting for the Lie Downs, er, Lions, where could I move that the storied tradition of NFL heartbreak could be continued? It took Bill Bidwell a move from St. Louis a couple of decades ago; but this NFL site relocation assured that Phoenix sports fans would have many, many years of heart break and agony to look forward to.

Fans of these two teams remind me of golfers. Because both activities are an exercise in frustration, people's reactions and personalities fall into two categories: bitter, hot headed idiots - and affable, sympathetic jokers. Come to think of it, divorcees also probably fall into these two personality categorizations as well. But I digress.

After the Cardinals overtime loss to San Francisco this week on Neil Rackers missed chip shot, it is reported that a Phoenix fan attacked his Christmas tree, ripping and wrenching limbs from the trunk. On the other end of this scale of reaction would be the mothers out there who uttered under their breath, "oh that poor boy. And his poor mother." Better pray for his whole family.

So far, the major difference between being a Lions fan and a Cardinals fan has been the willingness, or not, of the fan base to go to the stadium. Detroit fans have such a long history of losing that they enthusiastically fill the stadium every week, keeping up a positive front that to all outward appearances looks like they believe a win is imminent. This is done for the kids, so the children will not lose faith. Later, when the kids grow up, they will realize what's really going on, and take their kids to the stadium with a smile on their face to keep up this long-standing tradition. Sort of like Santa Claus.

The Cardinals fans, however, still want to be shown their football team will win. So the stadium has often been empty; as if this might be a motivation to produce a winning franchise. A notion long ago abandoned in the motor city. As any true Lion fan can attest, it's not about winning. It's about how you draft great college quarterbacks, and how many years it will take to squash all the confidence and potential out of them. That's true suspense and drama. I mean, if they won, what next?

For the valley of the sun, however, hope sprung eternal this year with a new stadium and a new coach. I bought it hook line and sinker, too. They really seemed to be acting different. They had confidence! They had swagger! We were going places! And the town went nuts when they got to a 500 winning percentage! In the NFC West division that puts you in second place one game behind the leader. But after a home loss to the 2 win - 8 loss 49ers, this looks all too familiar.

It is about this time each year that we American transplant desert dwellers come to the conclusion that there is just one thing left to say about the football season:

Go Suns!!

Desert Mursing Needs

There are many advantages to living in the desert. From dry foods seeming to never go stale to towels that hang dry in minutes, there are a myriad of sunny reasons to love the southwest lifestyle of outdoor rooms and exterior activity. As a result of endless gorgeous days one after the other, a morning ritual evolved with my neighbor Mark in my old neighborhood. Each morning we would walk out the front door and grin at each other across the street until one of us exclaimed "still doesn't suck!" I have to give Mark the credit for coming up with this joyous and poignant exclamation of our mutual appreciation of a beautiful morning.

Another benefit to desert living is how people dress. 15 years ago I was wearing a suit and tie to work every day. The business community has loosened up a bit over the last 15 years - but nowhere more than in Phoenix, Arizona. I now wear ties more often for personal events than professional functions. When I started my current management job, they said "any other district office, you need to be in full business attire. But here in Phoenix, it gets hot!" Never mind that summer is when everyone needs to bring a sweater to work to keep from catching a cold in the frigid air conditioned environment.

But for a man, there is a down side to this tolerance for casual attire. Frankly, I have nowhere to put my two cell phones, ipod, keys, wallet, band aids, wipes, handkerchief, nail clippers and chap stick. Sure, I know what you're thinking. Why don't you keep your wallet in your pants? Well, when I turned 40 and my hip started hurting all the time, my chiropractor told me I probably unbalanced the earth's axis, and my spine, by keeping my wallet in my back left pocket for 25 years. So the obvious answer to my storage woes is that I need a purse.

But for god's sake, Shirley, I can't carry a purse! I considered the "murse". Described at Urban Dictionary as "a man-purse. very fashion-forward right now, seen on many hipster guys." So that's obviously not an option. I saw some khaki pants advertised recently that has lots of hidden pockets for electronic devices. But I already am not wearing a coat that should hide my middle-aged bulge. So adding lumps to my hips doesn't appeal to me either. "Ewe!! Look mommy! That man has nicely tailored pants with no visible pockets - but there are lumps all over the sides of his hips and legs." No thanks.

So "yippee" that winter finally arrived yesterday; because I am wearing a coat. Yes, winter arrives in Phoenix in one day. Two days ago it was still in the eighties. Yesterday the temperature topped out at 69! And now, all my stuff is alphabetised in a clockwise circumference starting with the interior pockets, and the bulk is nicely balancing my upper body so that I am shaped in the most ideal way a man can be shaped. I have 5 months (give or take a month, depending on global warming effects) that I do not have to worry about my storage-challenged self.

For now, no worries. Maybe by next summer I'll be a hipster guy - but probably not.

Sir Ringo and Synergy

As my sister recently reminded me on her blog, Sir Paul is looking desperate. If you read the Vanity Fair interview on the bubble gum Beatle, (which I took in at an orthodontist appointment for one of my kids) you also know he is a sad old guy. It was one of the most depressing articles I've ever read. Which is why I'm planning to peak in my eighties.

While still in their thirties though, all four Beatles put out one decent album right after they broke up - even Ringo. Well, it depends on how you define "decent". But they must have had synergistic residue stuck to their Nauru jackets. Ten years after the break up you could look back and see how four guys had hit the heady peaks of musical synergy when they were together - and steadily fell after that. And, in my personal opinion, none fell harder than Paul. (Sorry Sir Paul.) At least Ringo seems today like he's still having fun. I think Ringo is on the "peak-in-your-eighties" plan, too.

After "Band on the Run", I never cared much for any of Paul's stuff. John and George kept my interest over the years. But let's face it - Beatles stuff is great; and holds up!

My kids re-discovered this with the "Across the Universe" soundtrack. At first I was all excited. But now these new versions are irritating the hell out of me almost as much as Peter Frampton and the Bee Gee's did with their Sgt. Peppers movie.

So what's the point? Great songs hold up - and none more so than those penned by Paul and John. Except maybe Irving Berlin. And Beethoven.

Oh, never mind.