Hockey season is starting. At my son Frank’s game last night I was reminded of the worst aspect of youth sports: the parents.
It was a pleasant surprise to me that as the kids got older – for youth hockey at least – the parents got less idiotic - at least in sheer numbers. When kids are around age 10 or 11 the parents seem to be at their worst. Complaining about officiating – yelling at other team’s parents – complaining about the coach – complaining about opposing teams and their parents – you know, all the reasons we want our kids to participate in sports. So they can observe how to be rude, intolerant, obnoxious, and poor losers. These are typically the more committed parents, going to every practice and game – for god’s sake – get a life. Those poor officials and coaches who commit all their time for the love of the game… heaven forbid they make a mistake or a bad call - like they’re supposed to be pro caliber.
A few years ago, when Frank was a “squirt”, I got an email that there was a last minute parent meeting. I went to the parent meeting, and the coach wasn’t there. I said,
“Where’s the coach?”
The team mom replied “we’re having a meeting to discuss replacing the coach.”
“Why?” I asked. “What did she do?” (Alarmed, I’m thinking: abuse, stealing, lying…)
“Well it’s almost half way through the season and we haven’t won a game yet. It’s unacceptable.”
It was a pleasant surprise to me that as the kids got older – for youth hockey at least – the parents got less idiotic - at least in sheer numbers. When kids are around age 10 or 11 the parents seem to be at their worst. Complaining about officiating – yelling at other team’s parents – complaining about the coach – complaining about opposing teams and their parents – you know, all the reasons we want our kids to participate in sports. So they can observe how to be rude, intolerant, obnoxious, and poor losers. These are typically the more committed parents, going to every practice and game – for god’s sake – get a life. Those poor officials and coaches who commit all their time for the love of the game… heaven forbid they make a mistake or a bad call - like they’re supposed to be pro caliber.
A few years ago, when Frank was a “squirt”, I got an email that there was a last minute parent meeting. I went to the parent meeting, and the coach wasn’t there. I said,
“Where’s the coach?”
The team mom replied “we’re having a meeting to discuss replacing the coach.”
“Why?” I asked. “What did she do?” (Alarmed, I’m thinking: abuse, stealing, lying…)
“Well it’s almost half way through the season and we haven’t won a game yet. It’s unacceptable.”
In a rare moment for mild-mannered-me, I got up and said – “Oh. Well then I’m leaving. I don’t think Frank and I are here for the same reasons you are. Frank will be at practices and games the rest of the season – win or lose. Let me know when we have a meeting with the coach here.” And I headed for the door. But before I could escape..
“What do you mean by that?” A dad yelled out.
I stopped long enough to say, “We participate in sports to learn about commitment, sportsmanship, teamwork, hard work, loyalty – and even hardship. I don’t think my son will ever play for the NHL – but he has fun and learns a lot. And frankly, how his dad reacts to a losing season will teach him a lot more life-lessons than how his dad reacts to winning.” And I left.
There was apparently a bit of an uproar after I left, but the coach stayed the whole season. Some parents said that it needed to be said; and some ostracized me after that.
So here we are more than 5 years later, and the kids still playing hockey at 17 and 18 years old mostly drive themselves to practice and games, and play because they love the game – not because their parents love the game – or they have professional aspirations. So the nutty parents have mostly faded away. But not all of them.
As a skirmish developed on the ice in a corner I couldn’t see, I got up and walked a few steps to where I could get a view of what was happening. Not seeing the dad from the opposing team sitting behind me, I inadvertently blocked his view. Instead of “excuse me pal” I got “DO YOU MIND BUDDY!?” I turned around and seeing I was blocking his view, I apologized. That wasn’t good enough however. From that point on he escalated his rhetoric, yelling at the referees and boys about bias and unfair calls – and each time turning to glare at me. They don’t serve beer there - but the way the guy was acting, you'd have thought they did.
But all in all, I’m glad the days of goofy over-invested parents are largely behind me. Someday I’m sure I’ll get to go to my grandkids games and laugh at the parents all over again – and from that vantage, I’m sure it will be easier to take. Either that, or I might have developed into a crotchety old fart; and it will be my turn to yell stupid things for the wrong reasons. Either way – something to look forward to – but not TOO soon, I hope.
